Mis-Communication?
About a month ago a friend of mine, who lives in Las Vegas, was hired to escort some dogs to Denver for their owner. Of course she immediately sent out a notification to those of us in Denver letting us know when she would be here and for how long. Essentially, Friday through Sunday. Well, from what I understand, arriving Friday, delivering the dogs to their owner and leaving sometime Sunday.
Seeing as how I have a very flexible schedule right now I told her I could hang out Friday afternoon after she's completed her delivery. I also happen to know the brewmasters at a local brewery and I thought it would be a fun "Denver" specific thing to do while she was here. Neither one of us are swimming in extra money and a chance to drink for free and especially a chance to drink at a brewery before the beer even reached a keg or a bar isn't something everyone has a chance to do when they come to Denver. In other words, it's a cool insider thing to do when people come to town.
I knew from previous correspondence that she would be arriving in Denver in the early afternoon, had to make her delivery and then she would be free for the rest of the afternoon and evening. I told her we could go for a drink and let her it would be free when she was done with her client.
She learned of Denver's Oktoberfest celebration going on this weekend and decided she wanted to do that on Saturday. That didn't interfere with my Friday plans for us so it wasn't an issue at all for me aside from the fact that Denver's Oktoberfest is lackluster at best. Yesterday, or the day before, she indicated she had a birthday party to attend with another Denver friend and she didn't want to get into anything too serious before she met up with them Friday evening. This also didn't interfere with my brewery plans since the brewmasters leave at 4:30PM on Fridays. Plenty of time to meet up with her friend later after a couple of beers.
Knowing all of this, I decided to head downtown this afternoon and be available to her once she'd completed her delivery. Like I said, I knew it would be early afternoon and thought perhaps it would 2 or 3ish. Downtown Denver is about an 18 mile drive for me, but I decided to take the light rail train from one of the park-n-rides since it's usually easier and less expensive than parking downtown. I also knew I might have some extra time to kill so I brought my dSLR and figured I could walk around and practice some street photography while I waited.
I send her a text message:
I send another text to my out-of-town friend about 40 minutes later:
Apparently she was hungry because she sends me s text message asking me if the brewery served food:
Referring to her "vine new about half an hour" text and her follow-up non-auto-corrected response, I reply:
I use Android's voice-to-text feature to send her a text message at 4:30PM, a half hour after she said she needed 30 minutes to get ready:
At this point I don't know what she's thinking; perhaps she's thinking I'm miles away when I was only 7 or 8 blocks east of where she was standing. Denver's not a huge city with a giant downtown -- worse case scenario it would take me 20 minutes to meet up with her if she stood still. Less than that if she met me in the middle. To me, this is no big deal and I start gathering my things from the table where I was resting, put my jacket back on and start walking.
"I just walked a half an hour to meet you," she says. I didn't mention again that we'd never agreed to meet at the brewery and I certainly didn't point out that she's contacting me at 5 o'clock when she said, in text mind you, so I have a record of it (see above), she needed a half an hour putting our meet at 4:30PM. As far as I was concerned she was a half hour late and since we didn't have definitive plans to meet anywhere she shouldn't have gone to any particular place. If anything, she could have let me know what corner she wanted to meet at and I would have made my way there. I was just making myself available to her, at her convenience, so we could hang out before she met her other friend later in the evening. But, she's upset and I didn't push my perspective any further in the interest of not arguing with someone I don't get to hang out with that often.
She says something into the phone and I don't quite catch all of what she's saying. I'm right next to the road with cars and trucks driving by and the light rail's bells and whistles screech as it passes.
"What? I didn't catch that." At this point I'm thinking it's inconvenient but nothing world-shattering. We'll meet up, hang out and grab a beer or a bite to eat and she'll go meet her other friends and I'll head home. I apologize, "I'm sorry for the miscommunication, but ..."
More garble from the phone, I don't know if it's hers or mine, "[something something] walk around [something] see you tomorrow."
Did she just tell me she'd rather walk around a strange city than wait 15 or 20 minutes for me to meet up with her? I don't have a chance to get clarification as she hangs up on me.
Did that seriously just happen? Okay, now I'm not only annoyed I'm very annoyed. A friend comes in from out of town, I rearrange my schedule to make sure she's not alone on her first evening there, I walk around for hours to be available when she calls and because she thought I was waiting for her at a restaurant (or nearby brewery) when I told her it was closed at 4:30PM she dismisses my efforts and calls off the entire afternoon?
Really?
Yes, I understand it was inconvenient for her -- it was inconvenient for me, too. Yes it was frustrating, too. For both of us.
It's now a little after 5:00PM and I'm not too far from the nearest light rail station. I start walking towards it, but after some simple math I realize I'd get to my motorcycle in the middle of Friday rush hour and have to sit in traffic for 16 miles, or so, at a snail's pace. So, I decide I'm going to make another effort to meet my friend. I walk a couple of blocks to the 16th Street Mall and catch one of the free Mall Rides west. I figured I knew she was wearing purple (but purple what: shirt, jacket, dress?) and she was probably walking around catching the sites. If she asked anyone local they would probably send her towards LoDo and 16th Street Mall. Those are the places where all the tourists go first when they're in downtown Denver.
I get off the Mall Ride at Market St. and walk north scanning every purple anything for the right height, gender and hair color. Nothing, nothing, nothing. A couple of blocks, well four blocks north and one block west, and I'm standing at Blake St and 20th. I don't see her. I didn't see her in passing. It would have been very easy for us to miss each other for a variety of reasons -- she could have been in a restaurant or bar, around the other side of a block or caught a cab. I just really didn't know, but we've all seen movies where people looking for each other find each other in the largest cities or the busiest places. It happens, however serendipity wasn't going to happen for me this time around.
It was about 5:30PM now and I decide with my walk back to the Mall Ride, the Mall Ride to the light rail station and the train ride to my motorcycle, it would be near 6:00PM when I finally headed home and I would miss a lot of rush hour and that's exactly the plan I went with at that point.
Seeing as how I have a very flexible schedule right now I told her I could hang out Friday afternoon after she's completed her delivery. I also happen to know the brewmasters at a local brewery and I thought it would be a fun "Denver" specific thing to do while she was here. Neither one of us are swimming in extra money and a chance to drink for free and especially a chance to drink at a brewery before the beer even reached a keg or a bar isn't something everyone has a chance to do when they come to Denver. In other words, it's a cool insider thing to do when people come to town.
I knew from previous correspondence that she would be arriving in Denver in the early afternoon, had to make her delivery and then she would be free for the rest of the afternoon and evening. I told her we could go for a drink and let her it would be free when she was done with her client.
She learned of Denver's Oktoberfest celebration going on this weekend and decided she wanted to do that on Saturday. That didn't interfere with my Friday plans for us so it wasn't an issue at all for me aside from the fact that Denver's Oktoberfest is lackluster at best. Yesterday, or the day before, she indicated she had a birthday party to attend with another Denver friend and she didn't want to get into anything too serious before she met up with them Friday evening. This also didn't interfere with my brewery plans since the brewmasters leave at 4:30PM on Fridays. Plenty of time to meet up with her friend later after a couple of beers.
Knowing all of this, I decided to head downtown this afternoon and be available to her once she'd completed her delivery. Like I said, I knew it would be early afternoon and thought perhaps it would 2 or 3ish. Downtown Denver is about an 18 mile drive for me, but I decided to take the light rail train from one of the park-n-rides since it's usually easier and less expensive than parking downtown. I also knew I might have some extra time to kill so I brought my dSLR and figured I could walk around and practice some street photography while I waited.
I send her a text message:
Me: Hey, I'm heading downtown now. Should be there somewhen between 3 and 330. Give a shout when you're available. I'll be walking around with my camera. 2:25 PMI ride my motorcycle to the light rail station, park and catch the next train downtown. While I'm waiting for the bus I check my phone to see if she's replied yet, but see a IM from my roommate instead. Apparently the HOA wanted to tow my truck for being parked in the same spot for too long. There was a notification on my truck and while I check the truck every day, I always look at the windshield expecting any notifications to be under the wipers. She tells me they notify on the driver's side window, not the windshield. I tell her I'll move my truck when I get back home. That annoyed me especially since I don't drive my truck a lot in the summer time, summer is what motorcycles are for!
I send another text to my out-of-town friend about 40 minutes later:
I finally receive a text from my friend, nearly an hour after my first one, but since I wasn't sure about exactly when her plane landed and what her schedule was until she made her delivery to her client, it didn't bother me much:Me: Did my last text not go through? I texted that I was coming downtown and to let me know when you're free. Well, I'm downtown now. 3:09 PMMe: Weird, its showing me texts being sent but not to this number. 3:11 PM
Friend: Cool, with the client doing the dog drop off now, then get checked in and chill a bit. I'll text you when I go out and about. 3:27 PMI never told her there was a time limit on the free beer, so I let her know we only have until about 4:30:
Me: Okay, but 'free beer' is over at 430. 3:31 PMAnd a response letting me know that she's not really interested in drinking so early in the day due to Colorado's altitude and what can happen to people who aren't used to being a mile above sea-level:
Friend: No worries, With the altitude issue I'm not really in a hurry to drink. 3:34 PMWhich, to be honest, is fair enough and smart. A lot of people come to Denver or to the mountains every year, think they can party like a rockstar only to have the altitude hit them which can result in vomiting, dizziness, blood pressure issues and other effects on the body. Besides, I don't drink a lot these days so not having a beer or three didn't bother me at all. I just thought it would be a cool "Denver" story for her.
Apparently she was hungry because she sends me s text message asking me if the brewery served food:
Friend: What's the name of the place? And do they serve food?And I reply with the name of the place (which I'll delete out so as the brewmasters don't get in trouble for serving for free:
Me: [Downtown] Brewery and no. they brew beer. But, if the restaurant is open then yes. 3:52 PMThe restaurant next to the brewery isn't open every day and to be honest I've never been there when they were, so I wasn't quite sure if they were open on Fridays or that early in the day. Or, perhaps they were closed for the afternoon. Like I said, I really don't know, but I ask where exactly she is so I can meet her nearby and I can escort her through a strange city to act as tour guide and to make sure she doesn't get lost. It's a simple case of: hey, you're visiting my city, let me show you around:
Me: where you at? are you hungry we can go eat. 3:53 PMShe let's me know she needs some time to freshen up and apparently has some auto-correct issues with the text:
Okay, so now it's nearly 4 o'clock PM, our window for free beer is rapidly closing and she needs a half hour to check-in to her hotel and refresh. I understand completely -- she's been traveling all day, met with a client and just wants a minute to relax. That's fine, but now I have to start thinking of other places to grab a bite to eat. Since she's a guest in my city I decide I'll wait, see what she's in the mood for and steer her to those options. Downtown Denver has a plethora of restaurants including fast food, national chains, local chains and stand alone options. There are a plethora of Mexican restaurants, bar food style restaurants, Cajun-style restaurants and many many more for the discernible palette to choose from.Friend: Ok, vine new about half an hour 3:55 PMFriend: Sheesh. Give me half an hour lol 3:55 PM
Referring to her "vine new about half an hour" text and her follow-up non-auto-corrected response, I reply:
Me: I was wondering what that meant 3:55 PMThroughout this entire exchange I'm walking around Denver, hovering in the northeast area I thought she said her hotel would be in, so I wouldn't be more than a few minutes away when she was ready. It's also an area a lot of street photographers don't photograph often due to the lack of touristy interests and I thought I might get some shots that weren't photographed to death by other photographers.
I use Android's voice-to-text feature to send her a text message at 4:30PM, a half hour after she said she needed 30 minutes to get ready:
Me: you're not at the [name] hotel in hospital are you? 4:29 PMSince I'm using Google's voice-to-text feature as I'm walking around with a camera in one hand it comes out a little weird, but I get no response at all. The intent was to ask what hotel she was staying at so I could steer myself in that direction. No reply to my message at all. By this time I've been walking around downtown Denver for more than an hour, carrying a camera bag and wearing my leather motorcycle jacket. I'm hot and thirsty so I stop at a 7-11 nearby to grab a soda, more for the caffeine than anything else. I come out, walk across the street to an outdoor patio area for a local deli, shed my jacket and sit down to have my drink. I'm looking at pictures on my camera to see if there is anything worth keeping when I get a couple of texts:
Uh... almost where? To the best of my knowledge we hadn't decided on a place to meet up at yet. So I ask:Friend: Almost there. Waiting for the light 4:58 PMFriend: I'm in purple 4:59 PM
Me: almost where? 4:59 PMAnd a final text message to her before I get tired of the back-and-forth messageing and finally call her:
Me: almost where? 4:59 PMI call and she answers. "Where are you?" At the restaurant, she replies. "What restaurant?" The one I told her I was at, she tells me. Um..."I never said I was at any restaurant, I said I was walking around with my camera, my original plan was to go to that brewery. I'm not even near there, I'm on the other side of town," I tell her.
At this point I don't know what she's thinking; perhaps she's thinking I'm miles away when I was only 7 or 8 blocks east of where she was standing. Denver's not a huge city with a giant downtown -- worse case scenario it would take me 20 minutes to meet up with her if she stood still. Less than that if she met me in the middle. To me, this is no big deal and I start gathering my things from the table where I was resting, put my jacket back on and start walking.
"I just walked a half an hour to meet you," she says. I didn't mention again that we'd never agreed to meet at the brewery and I certainly didn't point out that she's contacting me at 5 o'clock when she said, in text mind you, so I have a record of it (see above), she needed a half an hour putting our meet at 4:30PM. As far as I was concerned she was a half hour late and since we didn't have definitive plans to meet anywhere she shouldn't have gone to any particular place. If anything, she could have let me know what corner she wanted to meet at and I would have made my way there. I was just making myself available to her, at her convenience, so we could hang out before she met her other friend later in the evening. But, she's upset and I didn't push my perspective any further in the interest of not arguing with someone I don't get to hang out with that often.
She says something into the phone and I don't quite catch all of what she's saying. I'm right next to the road with cars and trucks driving by and the light rail's bells and whistles screech as it passes.
"What? I didn't catch that." At this point I'm thinking it's inconvenient but nothing world-shattering. We'll meet up, hang out and grab a beer or a bite to eat and she'll go meet her other friends and I'll head home. I apologize, "I'm sorry for the miscommunication, but ..."
More garble from the phone, I don't know if it's hers or mine, "[something something] walk around [something] see you tomorrow."
Did she just tell me she'd rather walk around a strange city than wait 15 or 20 minutes for me to meet up with her? I don't have a chance to get clarification as she hangs up on me.
Did that seriously just happen? Okay, now I'm not only annoyed I'm very annoyed. A friend comes in from out of town, I rearrange my schedule to make sure she's not alone on her first evening there, I walk around for hours to be available when she calls and because she thought I was waiting for her at a restaurant (or nearby brewery) when I told her it was closed at 4:30PM she dismisses my efforts and calls off the entire afternoon?
Really?
Yes, I understand it was inconvenient for her -- it was inconvenient for me, too. Yes it was frustrating, too. For both of us.
It's now a little after 5:00PM and I'm not too far from the nearest light rail station. I start walking towards it, but after some simple math I realize I'd get to my motorcycle in the middle of Friday rush hour and have to sit in traffic for 16 miles, or so, at a snail's pace. So, I decide I'm going to make another effort to meet my friend. I walk a couple of blocks to the 16th Street Mall and catch one of the free Mall Rides west. I figured I knew she was wearing purple (but purple what: shirt, jacket, dress?) and she was probably walking around catching the sites. If she asked anyone local they would probably send her towards LoDo and 16th Street Mall. Those are the places where all the tourists go first when they're in downtown Denver.
I get off the Mall Ride at Market St. and walk north scanning every purple anything for the right height, gender and hair color. Nothing, nothing, nothing. A couple of blocks, well four blocks north and one block west, and I'm standing at Blake St and 20th. I don't see her. I didn't see her in passing. It would have been very easy for us to miss each other for a variety of reasons -- she could have been in a restaurant or bar, around the other side of a block or caught a cab. I just really didn't know, but we've all seen movies where people looking for each other find each other in the largest cities or the busiest places. It happens, however serendipity wasn't going to happen for me this time around.
It was about 5:30PM now and I decide with my walk back to the Mall Ride, the Mall Ride to the light rail station and the train ride to my motorcycle, it would be near 6:00PM when I finally headed home and I would miss a lot of rush hour and that's exactly the plan I went with at that point.
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