The King James Bible, a Review

Let me copy and past the text, because this is hilarious and, well, true! So after thoroughly perusing the pages of this novel (twice), I thought I'd share a few thoughts on it. The story starts off reasonably straight-forward, though the author of the first few books seems to be a bit vague and doesn't offer much background or detail about the world in which the story takes place before introducing the main protagonist, Adam. The early main plot line spends a great deal of time describing genealogical information of what I assume are the members of an important family (families?) involved with the story and descended from this Adam character. It seemed a bit overdone, though I guess Tolkien also spent a great deal of time on the seemingly mundane in his books and they're pretty popular. Speaking of which, there are a number of times that magic is invoked to turn rods to snakes or move large bodies of water around. There are also talking serpents and donkeys, so if you're into fantasy fiction this book might interest you. It's not long before the timeline starts shifting around, though, and it's easy to lose track. It also looks as though there were multiple authors involved in the book's creation. If so, that would go a long way in explaining why the story lines often repeat information the reader has already learned or outright contradicts previous details presented by earlier writers. Why the editor didn't clean up the disparate plot lines and ensure the narrative was consistent is beyond me. Whatever the reason, the editing is atrocious. I don't understand why the authors weren't credited. Some of the books reference names, but I suspect these names are not the real authors. Maybe the quality of the book was such that they wanted to avoid credit? I did enjoy the numerous battle sequences, though I thought the author(s) could have done a much better job of detailing the action as well as making the motivations for the violence less one-dimensional. It seemed to me the only reason for the seemingly senseless violence was because the primary god in this book said so. I was also confused as to why the author decided to destroy the world near the beginning of the book. It seemed out-of-place and anti-climactic, not to mention a bit far-fetched even for a fiction book. The deity, Yahweh, could have used a lot more character development during the first half of the book as well. Through most of the first half of the novel, the god is ordering the wholesale slaughter of thousands of people for seemingly trivial reasons and doesn't really do much to explain his motivations. I'm also confused as to why this god gets angry when other characters do what they do. He's supposed to be omnipotent and should know exactly what they're going to do. Why, then, would he get angry when they do it? The authors do make a concerted though not altogether consistent attempt to reinvent the god's personality in the second half of the book, but this almost complete reversal of personality traits makes the character seem forced and even more inconsistent that he was in the first half. I enjoyed the use of personal letters as a vehicle for the narrative. That's a great way for the author(s) to share more information about a character's thoughts and it flows better than narrating in the third-person. Again, though, the editing is pretty horrible and many ideas that come from various characters and are supposed to be in sync aren't. Maybe there just wasn't enough money in the budget to edit properly? The second half of the book is decidedly more peaceful than the first. The story line picks up at the birth of the new protagonist, Jesus. Then for some inexplicable reason, the author(s) decide to skip upwards of 30 years of his life and jump right into his academic career. Maybe his growth and development doesn't do much for the story, but missing out on the details of his mid-life seems to degrade from the character's development. To top it off, this character is supposed to be Yahweh from the first half of the book, but then later on he is visited by Yahweh in the form of a dove. There's also some kind of ghost or phantom character that's also supposed to be him. Needless to say, the author(s) go off into left field with who this character is and sorting it out is a nightmare. Jesus then spends several years spreading a good amount of wisdom in the form of stories and public examples. Despite his questionable origins, the character turns out to be very compassionate and caring about the poor and the sick. I think he's one of the best characters in the novel and I like a lot of the ideas the author(s) present through him. If you're a political Conservative, though, I suspect you won't like this character. He advocates the sharing of wealth with the poor and consorts easily with prostitutes and disease-ridden people in order to help them. He also doesn't have much use for money (the horror!). He's able to cast magic spells to heal and resurrect people, which is not normal for people of this world. That lends him an air of mystery but also makes him an enemy of the power pushers in the area. Eventually he's betrayed by one of his confidantes and is summarily executed. After that, other authors add in additional information or details that might have been missed, though these details are not caught by the editor and are sometimes contradictory. The end of the book is odd in that the author adds in a large dose of prophecy and visions that are so vague and general it's like reading the astrology section of the local newspaper. The main protagonist is dead so why bother with so much extra information at the end?? Final Thoughts: I thought the book had a lot of interesting ideas and stories, but the inconsistency of the characters and the atrocious editing pretty much ruined it for me. The plot lines were so haphazard and the points made were so contradictory at times that I just couldn't bring myself to give this book a rating any higher than one star. I'll give it credit for imagination, but even books of fiction need to have some basis in reality. This book definitely fails in that regard.

Or, as copied and pasted: Too much fire and brimstone and not enough T&A! They definitely need to get Michael Bay if they plan on making the movie. Read more reviews of the King James Bible on Amazon: Here