Some woman on Twitter said she liked watching Twilight because it made her feel like the teenage girl she no longer...
Some woman on Twitter said she liked watching Twilight because it made her feel like the teenage girl she no longer was. She mentioned, "You're never too old for Twilight."
I responded with, "Yeah, but you can be too mature."
She came back with, "I don't know what that means."
(I am, of course, paraphrasing the quotes)
So, I shared this piece with her: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/psychologist-the-movies/201111/relationship-violence-in-twilight
While reading this, I saw a lot of my former roommate's new boyfreind in Edward.
Now let's take a look at the male "love" interest. Edward also displays many stereotypical characteristics of abusers. First, one of his hallmark characteristics is his control over Bella and his attempts to isolate her from others. Abusers often use this tactic as a way of ensuring that their victims have no way to escape should they attempt to do so. After he decides that he wants her, he's quick to get her alone, and for the rest of the series he constantly shields her from any other interactions, including from her father and friends. Edward consistently forbids her from seeing Jacob (a potential rival), and he even sabotages her car so that she has no avenue of escape. Not my idea of romance.
After they started dating (I mean, right after) he started talking about how I needed to be out of her life; how they needed to move in together and how she didn't need to rely on friends (me) while he was around. It only became worse as he went from passively saying he didn't like it when she and I did things together to a more active schism by telling her not to talk/hangout with me. She already worked from home, so no issues separating her from work friends, but he joined her pool league so "they could be together more" and I even witnessed him accuse her of leaving the house without him when she went to get her hair/nails done one Saturday morning.
Next, the use of coercion to accelerate the development of closeness is another common warning sign of abuse. If an abuser can get full commitment from his (or her) victim as early as possible, this basically "locks in" the victim and cuts them off from escape. Once Edward and Bella have decided to be together, they spend every night together in her room, and he tries to follow her in others' thoughts (using his vampire superpowers) when she's not present. He proposes to her when he knows she's not ready and refuses to listen to her reasons for delaying the marriage.
Again, the aforementioned "move in together" immediately and then tying themselves together by purchasing a house together before their first anniversary. He also proposed shortly after buying the house. She'll be his third wife. He'll be her first husband. He's my age. I don't know if he stalks her, per se, but he did throw a fit when he found out she and I went to the supermarket together, citing again how "that's something they should do together" not something she should do with me. There are more examples of that behavior, too.
Finally, a classic warning sign of partner volatility is high levels of jealousy or possessiveness. When Bella learns that Edward was only in Port Angeles (in the first movie) because he followed her there, she was appreciative for being saved from attack by random dudes, but does not seem to notice that it is stalking behavior. Edward continues to treat Bella in ways that mark him as a jealous, potentially violent predator.
Extreme jealousy. Like I said, she'll be his third wife. He tried to passive-aggressively make her jealous by saying may he'd get a female roommate if she continued to live with me (within weeks of them meeting) and then accusing her of sleeping with me and accusing her of wanting to be with me. He even tried to kill her once because he had convinced himself she was having an affair. Yeah, she was driving, he grabbed the wheel and tried to run her off the road citing, "If he couldn't have her, no one could."
When she broke up with him over that he tried to commit suicide. Another classic passive-aggressive control measure.
She took him back and now I'm homeless because he:
[1] didn't like it when she asked my advice on even the most benign things, like where a picture should be hung.
[2] didn't like it that people liked me more. He and I went to the store once. I chatted with everyone around me, as I'm known to do, and he was left there without any engagement.
[3] didn't like that I "showed him up." A friend actually pointed this out to me. There were a few times when I took care of things around the house, things he couldn't or wouldn't do, and I did them because they needed to be done. Per my friend, he felt threatened by my capabilities.
A social worker friend of mine thinks the relationship will end horribly, but, she said, my friend won't ever listen to me. She's going to have to ride this out and learn the lesson the hard way.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/psychologist-the-movies/201111/relationship-violence-in-twilight
I responded with, "Yeah, but you can be too mature."
She came back with, "I don't know what that means."
(I am, of course, paraphrasing the quotes)
So, I shared this piece with her: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/psychologist-the-movies/201111/relationship-violence-in-twilight
While reading this, I saw a lot of my former roommate's new boyfreind in Edward.
Now let's take a look at the male "love" interest. Edward also displays many stereotypical characteristics of abusers. First, one of his hallmark characteristics is his control over Bella and his attempts to isolate her from others. Abusers often use this tactic as a way of ensuring that their victims have no way to escape should they attempt to do so. After he decides that he wants her, he's quick to get her alone, and for the rest of the series he constantly shields her from any other interactions, including from her father and friends. Edward consistently forbids her from seeing Jacob (a potential rival), and he even sabotages her car so that she has no avenue of escape. Not my idea of romance.
After they started dating (I mean, right after) he started talking about how I needed to be out of her life; how they needed to move in together and how she didn't need to rely on friends (me) while he was around. It only became worse as he went from passively saying he didn't like it when she and I did things together to a more active schism by telling her not to talk/hangout with me. She already worked from home, so no issues separating her from work friends, but he joined her pool league so "they could be together more" and I even witnessed him accuse her of leaving the house without him when she went to get her hair/nails done one Saturday morning.
Next, the use of coercion to accelerate the development of closeness is another common warning sign of abuse. If an abuser can get full commitment from his (or her) victim as early as possible, this basically "locks in" the victim and cuts them off from escape. Once Edward and Bella have decided to be together, they spend every night together in her room, and he tries to follow her in others' thoughts (using his vampire superpowers) when she's not present. He proposes to her when he knows she's not ready and refuses to listen to her reasons for delaying the marriage.
Again, the aforementioned "move in together" immediately and then tying themselves together by purchasing a house together before their first anniversary. He also proposed shortly after buying the house. She'll be his third wife. He'll be her first husband. He's my age. I don't know if he stalks her, per se, but he did throw a fit when he found out she and I went to the supermarket together, citing again how "that's something they should do together" not something she should do with me. There are more examples of that behavior, too.
Finally, a classic warning sign of partner volatility is high levels of jealousy or possessiveness. When Bella learns that Edward was only in Port Angeles (in the first movie) because he followed her there, she was appreciative for being saved from attack by random dudes, but does not seem to notice that it is stalking behavior. Edward continues to treat Bella in ways that mark him as a jealous, potentially violent predator.
Extreme jealousy. Like I said, she'll be his third wife. He tried to passive-aggressively make her jealous by saying may he'd get a female roommate if she continued to live with me (within weeks of them meeting) and then accusing her of sleeping with me and accusing her of wanting to be with me. He even tried to kill her once because he had convinced himself she was having an affair. Yeah, she was driving, he grabbed the wheel and tried to run her off the road citing, "If he couldn't have her, no one could."
When she broke up with him over that he tried to commit suicide. Another classic passive-aggressive control measure.
She took him back and now I'm homeless because he:
[1] didn't like it when she asked my advice on even the most benign things, like where a picture should be hung.
[2] didn't like it that people liked me more. He and I went to the store once. I chatted with everyone around me, as I'm known to do, and he was left there without any engagement.
[3] didn't like that I "showed him up." A friend actually pointed this out to me. There were a few times when I took care of things around the house, things he couldn't or wouldn't do, and I did them because they needed to be done. Per my friend, he felt threatened by my capabilities.
A social worker friend of mine thinks the relationship will end horribly, but, she said, my friend won't ever listen to me. She's going to have to ride this out and learn the lesson the hard way.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/psychologist-the-movies/201111/relationship-violence-in-twilight
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