Why Are IT Recruiters F'n Idiots?

Okay, this isn't me, this is an acquaintance of mine who posted this on a local forum that I belong to. But, it's funny and echoes so closely to home in a much better way than I ever could have written it out.

The barriers to entry for the IT recruiting industry are so low to be almost nonexistent. While there may be some small percentage of IT recruiters who are capable in some way, my experience has been poor at best. I've had to deal with them on both sides of the fence. As both a job seeker and a hiring manager. I have been in IT since the early 90s with steady progression up the food chain to even holding a Chief Technology officer position. So I know how the hiring process works. I studied advance engineering in collage and have a few software patents to my credit so I am not an idiot by "most standards". 

I left the IT industry 2 years ago for a startup in a different industry. That didn't work out so now I am getting back in. Seems nothing has changed. It almost seems like it has gotten worse since the economy tanked. 

Some of the highlights of my experiences with IT recruiters are as follows;

One was looking for a PM with agile experience. My resume is covered with Scrum, XP and RUP (yes I know there is some debate about RUP being an Agile method). The recruiter I spoke with was only looking for the term "Agile" on my resume and could not understand that Scrum for example is a "Agile" methodology for software development. She actually wanted me to change my resume to "Agile" everywhere it said Scrum, XP and RUP. 

Another wanted me to come meet with her before I went to an interview to make sure my "Tie was straight". She was 45 minutes in the other direction on the same highway making my commute to let her "Adjust my tie" an hour and a half. This was supposed to be a quick interview during my one hour lunch from work. Would not "Let" me go to the interview until she had approved of my appearance. Would not leave her office to meet me half way because she had a busy schedule. 

Another sent me a document on how to act and dress during the interview (Things like don't chew gum, wear a suit, don't pick my nose) and a list of questions to ask during the interview (None of which had anything to do with the job, wanted me to ask the hiring manager about his hobbies and get a list of contacts at the company or leads). 

Another met me for a lunch interview at a sushi place, drank too much sake, clearly drunk tried to drive away, and hit a car leaving the parking lot. Yes I tried to stop her and was on the phone with 911 when she crashed. Nothing short of assault was going to keep her from getting in the car because "she had another lunch meeting", when I physically tried to take the keys from her she pulled a stun gun on me. Got to go testify at her DUI trial. That was fun. She spent a ton on a lawyer who did squat for her. 

Another had me take some computerized tests to ensure I had the skills for the job. I was expecting C or PHP programming tests. Nope, got a rudimentary math and English test, then a strange multiple choice test on American customs at work (things like how to greet your boss, how to answer the phone, how to shake hands). 

Another offered to take me to lunch, racked up a huge bill and "forgot his wallet". Promised to pay me back that afternoon then never returned my phone calls. Never did get my money back. 

Another had me come in four times to interview with their staff in one week, each time telling me I was meeting with someone with hiring authority. The company was over an hour away (2 hours round trip). Come to find out they have a process of interviewing candidates at least 3 times by three different people before they will submit resumes to a potential hiring company. Didn't validate the parking ($5 an hour). Wanted to ensure commitment to the job. Each time I was told we need you to meet with one more person before we make the final decision. Turns out the job description was bogus. They weren't in business long. 

Another company wanted me to sign a contract giving them exclusivity in finding me a job for 6 months. If I tried to find a job on my own during those six months I would owe them 6 months of my salary should I be hired "ANYWHERE". And no they were not going to pay me while I was "on the bench" for up to 6 months. 

A couple have sent me to the wrong job interview. 

How about the 100s of emails I get every week from someone in India (I assume India because of the Indian names) who wants me to start tomorrow on a 6 months contract 1000 miles away (Fl, NY, Seattle, etc) for 25 an hour on a entry level Database admin or programmer project. 

Another was a recently divorced woman who latched on to me "Because I was a nice guy". Started to call me every day and we went on a few "dates". She was actually pretty cute until I found out the kids she was claiming were "Her sisters who was in drug rehab" were actually hers and she didn't want anyone to know that she had kids. She had them call her "Aunt". That's got to mess with a kids head....When I confronted her she had a "nervous breakdown" at work and had to be rushed to the hospital. 

And the piece de resistance! I had a recruiter once try to submit my own resume to me as a potential candidate. I was leaving a company and agreed to hire and train my replacement. I was a manager at the company and had hire and fire responsibilities. The company had a policy of using outside recruiting (HR department was useless but well paid). I had been looking to leave for about 6 months and had my resume out there. This total numb nut calls me up and says I have the perfect person for you. Proceeds to tell me all about me (I didn't know it at the time as I had not seen the resume). It sounded great because the description was exactly what we were looking for. I had basically just described myself for the job description. I told numb nuts to send me the resume and lets set up a interview. I got a voice mail from him on my cell about half an hour later telling me what a great position he found for me and to call him right away. I was in a meeting and had not looked at the resume yet. Putting two and two together, I quickly took a moment to review the resume and found that he had doctored up "MY" resume to their format removing any identifying information and sent it over to me (no wonder this guy sounded so great, IT WAS ME!). Had a blast fucking with this guy when I had him and his boss come meet with me. 

I could go on and on....