Jasonisms

Twelve-thirty at night and the neighbors were so loud they woke me up. I heard screaming, yelling, giggling, cries of "No! Stop! STOP!" in various iterations. That's when I decided to pull in some slippers and a sweatshirt to go see what was happening, fully expecting to see a fight or something in the common areas (I live in a condo). What I did see was some neighbors who were being far too loud. So, I asked them, "Hey guys, it's 12:30. Can we turn the volume down a bit?" Through various incarnations of, "Huh?", " What?", and "Go home, old man,"; as well as inquiries about my occupation (because, apparently my occupation matters regarding how loud they're being) they finally agreed to go inside. To which I had to remind them, "you're in a condo. You have neighbors below you, next to you on two sides and within thirty feet of you in every direction. Be aware of that." And the guy tried to turn it into a racial...

So, that happened last Saturday night. There I was, it was Saturday night, I had no other plans other than sitting there flipping through the television channels instead of doing something productive. I'd finally settled on The Animal Planet, a show called Mermaids: the Body Found .   My attention was split between the television show, doing something on the computer that wasn't going to change the world and listening to my friend talk about … whatever it was she was talking about. Not that I wasn't listening, it's just that after the rest of the evening played out it really wasn't that important enough to recall. The clock read 9:40. I know this because my eyes were already drooping and I was wondering if it was too early to crawl into bed, especially on a Saturday evening. Then we heard it. Between my friend talking and the television trying to convince us that humans were closer to Mermaids than great apes - shouting. What was that? Was it ...

Last Sunday at 4AM I was woken from a very deep sleep by screaming and shouting from somewhere outside my bedroom window, as recounted HERE . I listened to it for about 10 minutes thinking it would quiet down - that the people would get it out of their system and go inside or leave, or whatever. It didn't quiet down. From what I heard it sounded like a woman was venting, or perhaps screaming at a man, and someone else was consoling her, with statements like: "He's an asshole," "He's a fucking cunt," and "You don't have to take that from him," and "No you're a bitch." Granted those aren't direct quotes, but something along those lines, the last one sounding like it came from a man's voice, hence the assumption that someone was fighting with their significant other. Since it was 4AM and since it was loud enough to wake me from my sleep I called the police to come and investigate. At the time I was thinking it was a d...

Last night sucked. I was deep in sleep, oddly enough dreaming about an old Army buddy who came to Denver for a visit. His company had arranged a place for him to stay and we were following another friend of mine to get there and drop him off. As we meandered through a maze of old factories and run down business parks (which don't really exist in Denver) I head some screaming. It took me a minute or two to figure out the screaming was coming from the real world and not Dreamland. "Fucking asshole!" [sobbing] "Stupid fucking cunt!" Things like that interspersed with low mumbling like someone was being consoled and then the screaming and swearing would fire back up. Now, for anyone who's read this blog for three seconds knows I have problem with some of my neighbors. From six AM wake ups of them screaming profanities to each other, to having to stop watching TV in the evenings because they're fighting loud enough to be heard over the Dolby 7.1 surro...

I'm at home, post lunch and pre-productivity. Don't ask. The TV is on in the background and the dogs were just given their noon-time cookies. I'd just fired up the laptop when the doorbell chimed. Both dogs went bananas and I tried to get to the FedEx guy before he dropped his package and left. You see, the FedEx guy is the only one who uses the doorbell, most other people knock. I'm not sure why that is, honestly. Is it because most homes in this neighborhood don't have bells and the one here is aftermarket? Is it because the doorbell's color matches the surrounding trim work and therefore seems camouflaged? Regardless, I shoo'd the dogs out of the way and opened the door, not to a dark blue uniformed FedEx employee, but to two dark blue uniformed Aurora police officers. They were here in regards to a situation that took place nearly a month ago . My neighbors are loud and vulgar. They scream and yell at each other at all hours with offenses like ...

I have a neighbor, her name is (let's say) Kim whom I've lived next to her for about four years. She has about 10 years on me making her in her upper 40s. Single -- never been married. She's a full time Mary Kay rep and a part time whatever helps her pay the bills. She's nice enough and I used to invite her out for happy hours until my female friends started telling me she was a little too pushy with the MK selling, calling them for weeks even after they told her no. As you all know, before I went to Florida for the winter, I was sleeping in my truck, in late November, in Colorado. Kim, I knew, lived alone and at one point said she had an extra room if I needed a place to crash for a couple of days. This was when I was arguing with my roommate a lot. When I was sleeping in my truck in the cold, even though I came by her house for some cookies she'd baked and called me to come pick up, she never offered to let me sleep there, even after I brought my situation up. I...